Can I be Friendly and In Control?

From a Quora Question: What are some ways a teacher can be friendly with students but still maintain authority?

I love this question!! I really enjoyed being friendly to my students but also had a hardline that I held for certain behaviors. This means I would hold my line firmly and consistently. Students relax when they know that you are fair and not hesitant to follow through with your consequences. That way you can still be friendly with brief moments of firmness when needed.

Here is what worked for me:

1. Have a happy, upbeat attitude that we are going to have fun learning while still sticking to your behavioral expectations. I love to learn so I did my best to communicate my enthusiasm to my students.

2. Make the behavioral expectations completely clear from the beginning of the school year and stay consistent. Stick to this and act BEFORE you get frustrated and angry so that there will be no emotion involved. This will keep you “friendly” but still having authorityHere are some of my expectations:

   1. Do not interrupt the speaker whoever that is, a student, visitor or the teacher.

   2. Keep your voice level during “talking times” at a reasonable level. If the overall noise level gets too loud for your comfort, STOP class, get everyone’s attention and start over.

   3. Be respectful of each other and equipment. This means being polite and thoughtful.

   4. Be KIND with all comments and feedback. It is fine to give constructive feedback (peer tutoring and peer evaluations) but not ok to be unkind. I provided examples of constructive vs. destructive feedback.

3. Be thoughtful when designing your behavior plan/classroom management plan. This means make your consequences ones that you feel comfortable applying. A very consistent mistake I watched my mentees make is that they would continue to “ask” students to quiet down instead of working their plan.

4. Work your classroom management plan. Just work it. If a student interrupts, give them one warning. If they interrupt again, move to your 2nd step right away with no argument. For me this was a seat change to get them in an unfamiliar table group or if there was room, I’d move them to the side of the classroom where there were no other students. In this way they would not have a student nearby to engage with.

5. Stay unemotional when you apply your plan. Then you can return to being “friendly” because you will not be mad. You simply worked your plan. This is not easy if a student chooses to resist your action. Some students will argue when you move to step 2. For example: “I was just asking to borrow a pencil.” Stick to your plan. Move the student. No arguments. Work the plan. Don’t worry if that student doesn’t want to move. Move them. Since you are not allowed to do this physically, you can only make the request. If they refuse to move then this is the time to move to step #3, whatever that is for you. For me, that was a parent/guardian contact and removal from the classroom. I had a few students that resisted moving and when I said quietly and firmly that if they did not move then we are moving to step #3 they all chose to move. They weren’t happy but I was. I worked my plan and we all got back to work.

6. Never apply a negative consequence to the entire class for the misbehavior of a few. I can’t stress enough how much this mistake can make an entire class fall apart. This will cause your well-behaved students to regress to bad behaviors. It is usually only a handful of students that are truly difficult. Reward the students that are behaving well (choosing their own seating, allowed to do fun activities, etc..). Only apply your consequences to the students that are erring.

Final Thought: Staying friendly while managing students all day, 5 days a week can be very challenging. There will be times when you don’t feel friendly and that is o.k. However, if you have a classroom management plan that you like and are comfortable applying, then most days you’ll be able to stay friendly while still being the calm authority in the room. This calm comes from working your plan. If you don’t like your plan, change it. Make it one that you feel comfortable using. Hang in there! You can do this!!